Each of us carries in our mind a special phrase from childhood, etched deeply in memory. Our parents, grandparents, and other adults put in specific efforts—efforts unique to Ukrainian society (which would be particularly intriguing to Ukrainians not born or raised in Ukraine)—to make sure their version of the truth traveled with us through time. That’s why, even today, girls feel uncomfortable sitting on the corner of a table, because they “won’t get married,” and boys finish everything on their plates, even if they “don’t want to,” because that’s where “all their strength is.” Before leaving the house, one must look in the mirror one last time so that all misfortunes may pass us by, and of course, let’s not forget about “sitting for a moment before the road” with your legs raised. This, it seems, is only required when you're going on a long trip—thankfully, because with such superstitions, any kind of time management would be impossible. We were dressed in second pairs of socks under our winter boots, had our mittens tied to our jackets, were taught how to be polite, and—classic—were forced to wear a hat even if it was already spring outside. “The sun is shining but not warming—put it on.” That was a time when the language of love was care. When people worried more about our cold noses and pinky fingers than about the state of our souls. When teachers’ comments in school and our level of socialization in kindergarten mattered more than our personal needs.
Back then, there were no social media or platforms for seeking psychological help. The phrase “mental health” required further research, money, time—and no one really saw the point of it. We only had our own thoughts, and sometimes those thoughts were full of storms, tornadoes, and hurricanes. At school, the psychologist often had to take on five extra roles, substituting for the biology, chemistry, physics, and sometimes even history teacher. Why not? Didn’t they study those courses at university too? Asking for help with the storm in your head wasn’t cool—it was weird. It raised a lot of unnecessary questions, shame, and guilt. As if something was wrong with you and it was better not to talk about it. But we, whose childhoods happened before the internet and mobile phones, are now adults. It may still be hard to believe, but now our wallets don’t hold three leaves and five acorns—they hold credit cards and a driver’s license. I’d say that’s a solid argument!
With the start of the full-scale war, the issue of psychological health gained particular relevance. Explosions, sirens, evacuation, immigration for some, death, the loss of meaning—unfortunately, these moved from the “it happens, but rarely, so forget about it” category to “common experience.” People need to understand their own emotions, the possible emotional rollercoasters, and find new reference points. But first, it’s worth figuring out: what is mental (psychological) health?
They say that psychotherapy begins even before the first session — from the moment a person decides to seek help. We wouldn’t want to break the rules, so this time we’ll turn to a specialist to sort out the main questions regarding psychological health. Our meeting with Anna Shapran (an incredibly empathetic and pleasant person) in itself is probably of little interest to most people (which is a shame!), since we are only partial objects of study, certainly not the main characters. But yes, for the curious — we were sitting and chatting in a Ukrainian café in Miami, Florida. I won’t say the name — we weren’t paid for the advertisement — sorry.
And now, sipping coffee at home, I’d like to return in my thoughts to that meeting and share a little about Anna Shapran. She is a certified psychologist with four years of work experience. She graduated from V.I. Vernadsky Taurida National University. She prefers the integrative approach (the one that combines several methods at once), which allows her to work with people on all levels. Among her favorites, she highlights three main ones: CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy — based on the interaction between thinking, emotions, and behavior), psychoanalysis (covers subconscious connections, unconscious processes, trauma), and body-oriented therapy (an approach that focuses on the interaction between the body and the psyche). That is why she became the main expert to help us understand this complex and still encrypted topic for many — trauma, the psyche, “mental stuff,” and triggers.
Despite the fact that the topic of mental (psychological) health is now quite open, and information channels broadcast an incredible amount of data on every small aspect, we still need to answer some questions and define the key concepts. And I’d like to start with describing what a “mentally healthy person” is. Have we ever met one? Or maybe they live in the woods or mountains with Bigfoot or the Yeti? Or arrived from space like Superman? And most importantly — how can we understand whether we are healthy, or whether we should still see a “doctor”?
In reality, it’s quite simple: “a mentally healthy person is not someone who has no problems in life, but someone who has the tools and skills to cope with challenges.” In other words, the world is difficult and multifaceted — various kinds of situations will (and even must) happen to us. Psychological health is not measured by the number of “difficult” or “simple” experiences, but by how we respond to them, whether we have the skills to deal with them.
The human psyche is multifaceted—like a giant rainbow, though at times it takes on different forms. Overall, there are three foundational “pillars” of psychological health.
Communication. This includes everything related to interpersonal interaction: the ability to hold conversations, engage others in dialogue, the capacity to ask for things, to say no, and the skills to express one’s thoughts.
Stress resilience skills. The name speaks for itself. This refers to the basic (though sometimes very difficult, complex, and seemingly unreachable) ability to face stress. Not to endure it by grinding your teeth down to the enamel, but to actually live through it.
Emotional self-regulation. Aside from its intimidating name, this aspect touches on one of the most widespread issues—namely, the ability to understand and identify one’s own emotions. It may sound simple in theory, but in practice it’s a completely different story. There’s a stereotype, instilled in us by our parents, the media, and society at large, that emotions are something negative. Like a pop-up ad on a website—you need to close it right away or the computer will crash. But emotions were designed by nature as a signal, a call to action. That’s why it’s important not only to understand “what am I feeling?” but also why and how to use it.
Since Ukraine’s independence, our society has gone through many different stages—both historically and psychologically. While the Western world had already accumulated substantial experience in this field, we still had to carve our own path. One advantage of this delay is that it allowed us to bypass the “dark periods” in the history of psychiatry—such as treatment with electroshock, lobotomies, aggressive medicalization, and so on. Our experience began to form based on already processed and systematized knowledge. Unfortunately, much of that knowledge came at the cost of human lives—but that’s a different (and very painful) story.
The attitude toward mental health in Ukraine has changed over time. We can conditionally distinguish several key stages. The first occurred during the 1990s and 2000s. This was a period of trauma and stagnation in the field of psychological health. At that time, the psyche was in “survival mode.” People didn’t have the opportunity to think about the quality of life. In general, the topic of emotional wellbeing was often met with confusion by society, and any psychological problem was associated with laziness or shame. Who had time for depression or anxiety back then?
Parents raised their children based on the principles that had been instilled in them by their own parents. Considering the events that befell Ukrainians throughout the 20th century, it was impossible to expect a healthy psyche to develop on its own. Those were times of struggle—and unfortunately, often not for lofty ideals, but for mere survival. As a result, each person became a product of their generation, carrying their own pain, trauma, and, at times, joy with them through the decades.
After the 1990s, people saw that the standard of living had improved; they gained experience of stable and decent existence, which shifted the mode from “survive” to “live.” The year 2014 could be conditionally described as a turning point in the issue of mental health in Ukraine. With the beginning of Russia’s war against Ukraine, there arose an acute need for psychological support for the population. War, annexation, evacuation—all of this had to be processed not only externally, but internally as well. However, even during that critical time, not everyone sought help from psychologists—mostly it was wealthier individuals. Others tried to rely on their own internal resources to resist collapse.
Today, the topic of mental health is widely discussed both in Ukraine itself and among Ukrainians in various countries. Platforms and apps are emerging that make therapy accessible and simple. In the past, seeing a psychologist was associated with Soviet-style curtains, bitter coffee, and a lack of confidentiality. Now, it’s something positive—something that speaks of love and care for oneself. And that is exactly what we need right now—or, as people say nowadays, “it’s timely.” Of course, there are still unqualified psychologists out there, potentially damaging already vulnerable minds. But access to alternatives has significantly increased.
Currently, Ukrainians are more and more frequently encountering a state of complete exhaustion—both emotional and physical—which is often accompanied by anxiety and apathy. We feel a sense of stability within the war, we adapt to death, we become emotionally drained from the indifference to loss. We experience dissociation—a state in which life feels unemotional, empty, and automatic. This applies both to those who remain in Ukraine and to those who have left. We all experience traumatic events differently, but very few have remained unaffected, at least emotionally.
Since psychologists cannot issue diagnoses, referrals to psychiatrists are becoming increasingly common. In general, the war and intense stress have activated the "weak spots" of the psyche. That’s why today we see particularly acute outbreaks of anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, eating disorders, and burnout. Many people might never have encountered such issues if peace had continued, but our world is a little harsher than we sometimes expect. And yet, even with the availability of therapy today and all the situations unfolding around us, requests from the older generations—Baby Boomers or Generation X—are not very frequent. This can be explained by the way they were raised (à la “you’re depressed because you have nothing to do”) or by the larger burden of responsibilities (such as financial ones). And of course, Millennials and Gen Z are topping the charts when it comes to seeking therapy. Well, good for us!
So what awaits us next? Will we be able to become a healthy nation once one of the most terrifying trials of the past 25 years finally ends? Of course, this isn’t tarot cards—we can’t get a clear forecast—but taking into account the experiences of other countries and the overall emotional state of Ukrainians, we can make certain predictions. Yes, if we fail to pay sufficient attention to the internal state of the nation in the future, after victory, we may face delayed traumatization. And as a result: suicides, PTSD, homicides, crime, domestic violence. Not a very cheerful outlook, I know. We may also experience social fatigue, a sense of alienation, and be shocked by the gap between expectations and reality. However, the demand for psychological support will increase, as a large number of veterans, survivors, and former prisoners will need thoughtful and high-quality rehabilitation. Of course, there will be exceptions to the rule—so-called lucky ones who reach a stage of rethinking and transformation. And that’s wonderful. But there will only be a few of them. And as we know, there are many of us...
And what is there to say, if even today not everyone can go to therapy? And the reasons for that may vary greatly. Some are afraid to dig deeper. For others, it's financially difficult. Some believe it's an ineffective method. And there will be those who simply think it’s “not the right time.” And everyone has the right to their own opinion! Undoubtedly, they do. But it never hurts to think about improving one’s life, right? So, if you’re feeling something unclear, something not quite right in your soul, but can’t commit to therapy just yet, you can start with small steps. At the very least—try to focus on your basic needs. Our body needs routine: in eating, sleeping, rest, and physical activity. Don’t demand “successful success” from yourself like on social media—that kind of content is exactly what’s worth limiting. Small steps, simple actions—but the impact on your mental state can be significant and noticeable!
A human being is a social creature, so it’s impossible not to emphasize the importance of community. Group activities, dancing, painting—anything at all. We need to have a circle of communication where people share common interests. In fact, this aspect remains largely underestimated, but it’s incredibly important. And let’s not forget about the wheel of balance. Living through only one dimension—focusing solely on war or work—is not a path to harmony or happiness. Not forgetting about oneself is a skill no one, unfortunately, teaches us. But at any age, we can catch up on what was missed and shift our priorities toward ourselves. It’s not scary to be selfish—what’s scary is to lose yourself in the surrounding world.
You can’t ignore the changes Ukrainian society has undergone since the beginning of Ukraine’s independence. The world expanded around us, consumed us, helped us, destroyed us, and lifted us up. We caught the wave and held on as best we could. Our parents worked hard to ensure that our basic needs were met—to help us get a good education, not freeze in the winter, not get soaked in the rain, and not burn in the summer sun. That was the strategy their own parents passed on to them—and so it continued, endlessly. Society shaped our thoughts and manners, putting in effort so that one day we would pass something on to the future. But in all of this, we were never reminded to care about our inner state. How do we feel? What are we afraid of? Why are we moving forward? No one helped us understand who we are in the first place or what we want—not even from the future, but from today. But the world doesn’t stand still—we grow, times change, and all of this is a big part of life. One day, each of us will be able to meet our true selves. And even if that requires going through several cycles of overthinking, dozens of arguments, and hundreds of liters of tears—it will all be part of the process.
We are all different, and that’s okay. Maybe not everyone will want to dig deep within themselves, and there will be those who don’t need to! The difference now is that finding yourself is normal, accessible, and sometimes even fun. When you discover your authenticity—your true, untainted self—walking through life becomes more interesting and safer. Wet feet and cold ears will no longer frighten you, the news won’t upset you as deeply as it does today, and thoughts about the future won’t paralyze you. That doesn’t mean the world will stop its path toward self-destruction—no. But you will definitely shift from “surviving” to living.
And isn’t there a certain psychological beauty in that?
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