History of the action
At the beginning of the full-scale invasion, Ilya Grabar joined the Ukrainian Armed Forces along with his brother Nazar. He had to give up his career as a sound producer to coordinate and supply his unit with weapons, ammunition and food. In the army, Ilya gave his best: he mastered drone control in a week and completed a cartography course before leaving for his second rotation. He died on December 24, 2022, near Bakhmut, Donetsk region, while saving his comrade. 10 days earlier, Ilya had turned 33.
For the second year in a row, Ilya's wife Maria Grabar will hold an event called "Table of Memory" on the occasion of the Day of Memory of the Defenders of Ukraine. On August 29, the Day of Remembrance of the Defenders of Ukraine, cafes and restaurants across Ukraine will serve a table in memory of the fallen soldiers. Restaurants in the United States can join this new tradition of honoring our defenders.
"Sharing grief often unites and preserves memory"
Maria says she learned about the idea of the event from her friend, an American veteran. He has been coming to Ukraine every year since the beginning of the war as a tactical medicine instructor and plans to join the International Legion this year. His life is not easy either; he recently lost his wife, so he understands the pain of Ukrainians whose loved ones have been killed.
"He told me that in the United States, on Memorial Day, people at home and in institutions set up a table for the military fallen for their country. He said that such an action could be done in Ukraine, and he wrote the text for the plaques that are placed on the table," says Maria.
She designed the decorations and sent a presentation about the campaign to the cafes and restaurants she knew. The symbols had to be changed, because in the United States, for example, a red rose (a symbol of shed blood), salt (a symbol of tears of relatives), lemon (a symbol of bitter fate) and a white tablecloth (a symbol of purity of intentions) are placed on the tables. Other attributes are closer to Ukrainian culture: sunflowers as a symbol of the Day of the Defenders, a candle as a symbol of a life cut short, and a blue-yellow ribbon as a symbol of the Motherland.
Last year, many people took up this initiative, and about a hundred organizations came together. For example, in the capital, the owner of a wedding agency and her team of decorators set up a table in more than 15 cafes and restaurants. There was a small coffee shop founded by an IDP. The woman joined the campaign and shared her experience, telling how she learned Ilya's story. Most of the establishments posted on social media, emphasizing that August 29 is the Day of Remembrance of the Fallen Defenders.
Mariia received many open and heartfelt responses. "A mother with a child, whose father was killed, happened to come to one of these establishments on that day. She wrote a big review saying that it was very important for her. I saw videos of waiters crying while serving the table", she says.
"This is a great opportunity to remember the war in Ukraine"
This year's event will be expanded and visitors will be invited to share their memories and words for those they have lost. "The shared experience of grief often unites people, and by preserving the memory, people do not feel isolated. I like that the campaign talks about both remembrance and the price of freedom. It reminds us that Remembrance Day is an important date to support people who have lost loved ones. The plaque reads: "Let us embrace those who carry the burden of loss in their souls." And I really liked it, because often people who have suffered a loss suffer from excessive attention at first, and then they are left alone with their grief", says Maria.
Institutions not only in Ukraine, but also abroad can join the campaign. So far, four restaurants from London, Wroclaw, Prague and Lisbon have taken part.
"It's no secret that many Ukrainians have moved abroad, many used to live there, and we have a very large diaspora in many European countries and in America, so it's important to us that establishments abroad owned by Ukrainian entrepreneurs also make this table of remembrance. After all, I know many people who love their country, support it, and do a lot for it, even though they now live outside of Ukraine. There are those who, despite living abroad for a long time, have returned and joined the ranks of the Armed Forces to defend their honor and dignity, to protect their homeland. It seems to me that it is also important to honor these people who died for Ukraine", says Maria.
According to Maria, the event abroad will serve another purpose besides commemorating the victims. "It is also a great opportunity to remind us once again about the war in Ukraine, about the fact that Ukrainians are dying every day. Visitors who come and see this memorial table will be able to learn about traditions and see the price we pay for European values", she adds. To join this initiative to honor the heroes, please fill out the form.
In addition to this campaign, Maria, along with her mother and brother Ilya, runs a foundation in his honor whose main goal is to ensure a happy childhood. They finance sports organizations and competitions for children, buy prizes, gifts, books and help various public organizations that take care of children with various illnesses so that they can develop fully.
"We have built a basketball court for children in Borodyanka, and now we are building two more in Chyhyryn and Boyarka. These are long processes because we look for communities where it is really needed, where there are sports clubs, and ask who will do what. We will put a sign on each playground saying that it was built in honor of Ilya Grabar, a man who loved life very much, but did not hesitate to give it up for Ukraine. For me it is important to prolong Ilya's life at least in this way. You can't bring him back, but you can do good things for him, introduce him to everyone. After all, a person lives as long as the memory of him lives", says Maria. You can learn more about the Foundation's activities and support it link.
Anastasia Krupka